They say “God laughs at plans”. How true! Here I thought I was beginning a new life….”crossing over” if you will…..but just when you think all is in alignment ie. retiring, down-sizing, moving to a small town in which you had never lived, children moving on with their careers; things change. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a change for the worse, just different.
Having reared four wonderful children I thought my husband and I were on a new trajectory such as traveling and doing things WE wanted to do without considering whether or not the kids would enjoy it. But along came the second wave of responsibility when young children turn into adults. In retrospect, the first wave was much easier and more controllable. A friend of mine always disliked the winter because along with the cold came shorter daylight hours; hence, the children in the house for a longer period of time. However, I explained to her that I loved that time. That was when we could all hunker down for a long cold winter, we would reconnect and have family dinners at a reasonable hour and the kids would be in bed on time because of school the next day. In other words, I had control. Life was good!……usually.
The second wave of responsibility happens when your children come back home to live with you for awhile. It could be for many reasons, perhaps lack of work, paying off school loans, returning from college, or now-a-days, COVID. Not only do THEY come back but all their things also return including pets and furniture. So much for purging when you down-sized with all those good intentions of only taking things you really needed to the new home. Now the house is filled with so much “stuff” that my feng shui is in a twist!
In addition to all the extra bodies and items, you are now dealing with significant issues such as living with adults having their own thoughts, needs, and desires. One has to be cognizant of this and realize they are independent individuals, therefore, you no longer have the control you once did. It is a very complicated, tentative, and disconcerting situation. I’m finding you must have mutual respect and good communication skills for it to work. People get settled into their own routines that they find very comforting and especially now with COVID, routines are key to normalcy. Therefore, it can be difficult when you now have a houseful of people whose routines don’t always jibe.
In the end, though, one does find comfort knowing that you raised your children in such a way that they are comfortable coming back home and do not feel awkward asking permission to do so. It’s nice to know that our relationships have stood the test of time. So much for empty-nesting…….actually given the current cirumstances I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Life Redecorated 