Just when you think you have life worked out, it throws you a curve or maybe even a 180. That’s the way I’ve been feeling this summer. I know it’s been forever since I’ve expressed myself, but honestly, I wasn’t in the “head-space” to write. My daughter and her fiancee had been busily preparing for their wedding, but out of the blue (at least for me) they decided to postpone and now, call it off. I truly understand where my daughter is coming from and I want what is best for her and her fiancee. Afterall, I love them both but it’s extremely difficult to watch their hurt and sadness. As a mom, you carry and feel all the hopes, fears, disappointments, and joys of your children. All children have trials and tribulations growing up. They get upset over their best friend dumping them for someone else or are devestated when they break their foot and ankle the summer before their junior year when they’re pegged to be the best runner for their high school cross country team. They eventually (and some times much quicker than one would think) move on from these “catastrophes”, but it lingers for moms. It isn’t as easy for us to just change course with our emotions. So even though THEY try to and do move on, we are still feeling the brunt of sadness, emptiness and loss. This was supposed to be a summer of fun and joyful anticipation. I thought the day my daughter collected her wedding gown would be a day full of hope, anticipation, and out and out fun. Instead though, I found myself ridden with sorrow. However, I do feel some consolation when my daughter reassures me she is doing the right thing for both of them.
So here I am, stuck in this pergatory, happy in one respect that at least they didn’t wait until after they were married to realize something was amiss, but quite distraught because of the loss of a family and life that will never happen. Life does move on, so I need to pick myself up and find a different direction that will bring me happiness and contentment. I joined a gym and have been swimming at the pool, running and walking on the treadmill, and taking up yoga classes. I have also incorporated meditation into my day and read affirmations every morning. I took a course that allowed me to be certified as a stager and have opened my own business and have also been thinking outside the box for other alternatives. Actually an opportunity fell into my lap this spring; one which could come to fruition this fall. I am following up on that.
They say things happen for a reason. I am desperately trying to find a silver lining and I’m sure it will appear sooner or later. So for now, @#*& happens! Deal with it!!
Life Redecorated 